I have long wished to die quietly, unobtrusively, in my sleep. Somehow this has become the ideal way to die. A peaceful death, I suppose, is the ultimate antidote to a life characterized by chaos, violence, longing, grasping--the very opposite of peace in virtually every way.
But, it occurs to me that a so-called peaceful death is nothing more than the ego's wish to exercise control right up to my very last breath. Except for a few enlightened Zen masters, most of us cannot divine our last moment. It almost seems arrogant or presumptuous to think that I can predict or choreograph my own death. I will die when I die; it may be during sleep, but it may be after a period of prolonged agitation or pain. Can I find a way to be all right with whatever happens? Again, my mind is trying to make peace with uncertainty.
that weed in the yard
suddenly pulled up by its roots
a bluejay screeches